Therapy’s been rough. In a good way, but it’s not fun to analyze all the way that I try to sabotage my own happiness, especially because there’s no easy way to fix it aside from trying to retrain my entire way of thinking.
There’s homework, too. Homework! I’M the one who gives the homework these days. I’ve reverted to my student days and doing it all at the last minute, and it’s really not that kind of homework.
The latest exercise is one where I have to write down all the negative thoughts I have, then focus on a way to view the same situation in a positive light. Which is a LOT harder than you think, because I can’t just write something that negates the negative. I’ll give you an example. Here’s a negative thought:
I feel so unattractive I can barely look at myself in mirrors.
HOW am I supposed to turn that into something positive? What am I supposed to say to myself?
Nooooo…. I’m sure you’re pretty on the inside.
I can’t just write platitudes and affirmations. I don’t want that from anyone, and I certainly don’t believe it coming from me. Here’s some more I have to ponder over:
I worry that guys are only attracted to me because they think I’m desperate and easy, which is why nobody wants to date me but there’s always someone who’s willing to sleep with me.
I don’t have any real marketable skills and will constantly be chasing debt and borrowing from my parents when things get really bad.
I’ve made the wrong choices and let the wrong people go, repeatedly, and now I’ll never find someone who actually loves me because I’ve used up all my chances.
I don’t work out at the gym as hard as I should to actually lose weight, just hard enough to feel like I’ve done SOMETHING, but I’m only fooling myself.
I don’t deserve to be happy.
If ANYONE has any suggestions of how to view these positively, without just trying to say “No, that’s not true,” I would really appreciate the help here. This homework is really fucking difficult.
Filed under: whatevs
hmm, maybe you need to question your negative thoughts first, interview them, i mean for example, why dont you deserve to be happy, maybe if you understand the thoughts first, then you can turn them around.
“I feel so unattractive I can barely look at myself in mirrors.”
Well I for one find you attractive, and you have one the most beautiful set of eyes I’ve ever seen.
“I worry that guys are only attracted to me because they think I’m desperate and easy, which is why nobody wants to date me but there’s always someone who’s willing to sleep with me.”
OK, I want to answer to that, but not here, it’s a bit too public. What’s your email address ? (I thoutght I had it, but can’t find it)
I’ll only say this for now : I wish I’d stayed longer in San Francisco.
“I don’t have any real marketable skills and will constantly be chasing debt and borrowing from my parents when things get really bad.”
You’re not too old to acquire such skills (by going back to school, for example) if you feel like you need them.
“I’ve made the wrong choices and let the wrong people go, repeatedly, and now I’ll never find someone who actually loves me because I’ve used up all my chances.”
And how do you know that ? Did you see it in a crystal ball ? The future is unpredictable, and nobody in this chaotic world can tell how many chances he’ll get.
“I don’t deserve to be happy.”
Yes, but neither does everybody else. It’s not something you get because you “deserve” it. That means you have as many chances to happiness as anybody else.
hm…15 years later i’m *still* having dreams where i’m in cali with you…
“I feel so unattractive I can barely look at myself in mirrors.”
Women are trained by the beauty industry to think that we’re ugly. It’s everywhere. You’d have to live in a cave to escape it. I guess the positive angle would be that almost everyone is having the same thoughts about themselves – so you actually have something pretty important in common with a lot of other women (including me).
Can’t wait to see you later this month (hopefully?).
““I feel so unattractive I can barely look at myself in mirrors.””
…”but my friend Ashfae thinks I’m really hot.”
Which I really, really do.
As for the rest, Wood said everything I would have first. Ditto that.