yeah, it’s really just a job

Sometimes I worry that students may be a little disillusioned when they discover that I am not, in fact, like that high school teacher in the movies they’ve seen that is always rooting for them. Nor am I seeking to fill some hole in my heart. I’m a teacher, I teach. And when a student leaves another fills their place, and then I teach them, too.

Different teachers at my school have had different approaches to the 1- or 2- or 3-month long test prep courses we offer, which I teach 2 or 3 times a year.. Some develop very close bonds with their class, bake them cookies, invite all 12 of them to a home-cooked Thanksgiving dinner, and generally keep things running smoothly by using honey instead of vinegar.

And of course at the other end of the spectrum we have the vinegar teachers, who push their students with a workload so heavy that the students are forced to make cuts and prioritize, give harsh (but always fair) criticism, and strictly do not waste any social time on them. They get results by being a slave-driver, which frankly many students want and expect. Like every good reality show contestant, these teachers are not in it to make friends.

And truthfully, nobody becomes an ESL teacher to make long-lasting friends. Those who think otherwise aren’t doing it to teach. They’re doing it to travel or find a spouse or indulge some rose-colored fantasy of something akin to charity work. If you love language and you love to promote learning then you teach ESL. You should leave all your other intentions at the door.

An ESL teacher must constantly say goodbye to wonderful students who they will never see again. Ever. These are not the kind of students who come back to visit in a year, this is not the kind of school that has reunions. I feel like it makes it even harder to have students in my own age range because I could potentially connect with them more, which is pointless because they’re leaving.

There are teachers that artfully balance inbetween honey and vinegar. These teachers socialize with their class without showing favoritism, post photos on facebook while still maintaining a degree of professionalism and divulging very few personal details.

Sometimes I feel like I’m in the middle but in a different way. I’m always forthcoming with personal information (when asked), not afraid to tell an embarrassing story staring myself, yet I do very little socialising with students and will sometimes intentionally wait until the end of the course before dropping the veil and inviting students into my life, or accepting invitations into theirs.

I don’t know which approach is the right one, or if there is a right one. I’m going to keep trying different things until I find the best balance between teacher-me and me-me.

And while I’m so excited and thankful that I’m able to go to Switzerland and see some former students whom I believe are amazing people, I’m going to then say goodbye forever all over again. And this time it probably will be forever, because if I want to keep doing what I love doing it means I’m not going to be able to take a lot of vacations. I’m not in it for the money, that’s for sure.

So when I introduce myself to a new class I don’t look at them and think, “Oh I hope we become the best of friends,” I often find myself thinking, “Gee I hope none of them are too  awesome,” because meeting someone who, in another life maybe, could have been a close friend, is just a little too heartbreaking to do dozens of times a year.

So I’m not there for the money, I’m not there to make friends, I’m just there to be the best at what I do. I’m like the Wolverine of ESL teaching. Sure, if that helps me sleep at night, I’ll stick with that.