I’ve been working extra hours, which means that when I get home from work I usually spend the rest of my time completely braindead before tottering off to bed. I can’t even hold a coherent phone conversation.
A few weeks back I was watching 30 Rock and without recapping the whole thing, Liz’s old boyfriend comes back in the picture and she’s complacently content with their new relationship. She tells Jenna, “If you give in to it you just start to feel kind of numb and warm and then you just get sleepy.” “That’s exactly what they say it’s like to freeze to death,” answers Jenna. And so of course when the guy proposes to her, Liz freaks out, imagines herself freezing to death, and says no.
And it struck me as rather timely given the reasons for my breakup. Well, one of them anyway. Which was that while we were friends, and could stay friends, there wasn’t “passion.” This was not my reason, mind you.
Anyways, I started wondering, am I numbing myself with my anti-anxiety meds? If I were to go off them, would I be less complacent? Would I be more passionate?
And then I realized, no, I’d just be crying all the time for no reason. And also, when some people say “passion,” I think they really mean “drama,” and I’ve had enough of that to last through all my future relationships. I’m not saying I want a relationship that is akin to freezing to death, but I see nothing wrong in marrying a guy who is also my best friend. Isn’t that what many people feel an ideal marriage is anyways? Because passion fades, and there better be a solid friendship underneath when that happens.
Filed under: whatevs
Hmm. I’m sorry that you think passion translates to drama. I think well for me anyway, its still getting excited going to meet them for lunch even when youve had breakfast together. Sure there are always going to be fights…and theres nothing wrong with crying. Friendship as a base is good, but as I said yesterday (to a loud groan from Dave, by the way) you need that spark so the fire doesn’t go out!
I think people do mean drama when they say passion; they might not realize it, though. I used to confuse the one with the other all the time, and I imagine a lot of people do. In order for passion, that spark, to exist, I thought there had to be intensity and for there to be intensity there had to be drama…something like that.
Anyways, it’s bullshit. I’m happy to say my marriage is based on friendship and passion and even intimacy, and there is no damn drama, and it rocks. Thank god. Actually I think what spurs the passion isn’t drama, but *fun*. Why does no one talk about how important just plain fun is in a relationship? Because it’s definitely the best thing.