those who can’t, critique

So because I really have no life outside of work, I was sitting on the couch watching Last Comic Standing and just HAD to get up and blog about something. That’s how I roll, people.
Before the commercial breaks they try to make even more money for their dwindling comedy empire by presenting a joke and [...]

chipmunk face gets a lip job

For the past 6 weeks or so I have been suffering from the Mystery Allergy.
It first struck when I started getting raised itchy patches around my wrists and ankles, which I found myself scratching incessantly each morning. I have sensitive skin when it comes to bug bites, so I figured it was something like that, [...]

i’ve grown accustomed to her face

I admit, I probably spent more energy than I should ragging on old boyfriends. And it does bother me. I think to myself, “Why do I keep thinking about that one jerk? Why do I find myself maybe possibly considering about thinking about maybe tracking him down again?”
And today I figured it out. I want [...]

i smell a sale

Back at the farmer’s market again, all full from breakfast burrito and trying to find the free samples of apple cider, I passed the lady selling the garden rocks. I shouldn’t have looked, but I did. Let me remind you that I have no idea how these messages are engraved onto the rocks, no doubt [...]

the end is nigh

I just saw an ad for Carls Junior which argued that their new Hawaiian burger helped fulfil your daily requirement of fruits and vegetables.
Yes. It so did.
You know between this and the Fat Rant I don’t know what to think anymore.

this is why i take pills

You ever find yourself shooting bolt upright out of bed, gasping to breath because your chest feels tight, because you’ve just for one second realized that you are going to die someday and disappear and if all this religion stuff is a sham you won’t have any consciousness left to even know that you’re dead?
Just [...]

for all your gardening needs

At the farmer’s market yesterday I was restocking on tamales, Indian food, and asparagus (my major food intake lately) when I passed by a booth selling garden rocks. You know what I mean, those big river rocks with things carved into them.
But I worry about the range of messages on these rocks. There were the [...]

just my size

I hate it when I dream about shopping. It’s always so disappointing when I wake up.